Tess Tales – Lessons – Hold your damn tongue girl!

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My mother (left) and her sister being silly!

My mother (left) and her sister being silly!

I was born a very bright human. I knew everything there was about life by the time I was age 13. (I can hear my Mom’s eye’s rolling from her grave.) I spent the next 6 years or so educating my mother on how life worked. It was a huge project. Tedious. Adults did not seem to know much.

The lessons often ended in arguments. (I know you are stunned. Mothers and daughters arguing. How novel!)

It was worthwhile. By the time I hit my 20s my mother was very smart. In fact she was so smart I didn’t know how she had learned it all so fast. It must have been a miracle.

There were always things that she said that I didn’t think were true. Or wouldn’t happen. I wish she was here so I could tell her how right she was. She’d like that.

Lesson #1 Hold your tongue – If I heard her say that once, I heard her say it a thousand times. It didn’t make sense. If in all my wisdom, I was able to set someone straight on some stupid path they were following, wasn’t it the right thing to do?

As it turns out, no. Sometimes looking through my set of filters offers a skewed view. Everyone has a different drummer. Some drummers don’t have a beat or tune I like or enjoy. I don’t have to listen. I don’t have to criticize. I can walk away. They don’t have to play music at my functions.

My mother could be very outspoken if she didn’t like my drummer but I knew she kept quiet when it came to others. I suspect she didn’t comment on all my drummers either.

What a great lesson that was and I can’t figure out why it took me (being so bright and all) so long to learn.

I just felt a big ray of sunshine. I think I heard her say, “Finally!”

45 thoughts on “Tess Tales – Lessons – Hold your damn tongue girl!”

  2. I love this, Kate! I always said that my parents learned so much when I went away to college! And Like you, my mother taught me, “Keep a civil tongue in your head, missy!” It’s how Jeremy and I have been married 35 years without fighting…sometimes I nearly bite my tongue off until cool enough to discuss! And now that I look back on it, my mom never got mad…she got quiet!

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  3. I always enjoy it when you share about your mother, Kate. I wonder when she learned the art of holding her tongue. Some people develop that practice early in life and they’re the better for it. In this, like many matters of character, I was a late bloomer myself! 🙂

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  7. It is amazing how smart our parents get right about the time we become self sufficient adults.

    I still haven’t fully learned to corral my tongue. Sometimes it just runs away and says how things OUGHT to be. Almost always I regret it. Its none of my business. But honestly, if they would just listen….

    I’m so bad at keeping my tongue that I think I’ve succeeded if all I do is say “I’m not going to say anything…. [PREGNANT AND SIGNIFICANT SILENCE OF IMPLIED JUDGMENT]”.

    And I can’t honestly say that’s really much of an improvement over the actual opinion being spouted.

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  11. I’m sure your mother and mine were friends somehow. I always knew everything and Mother nothing. That is until my children were born and I suddenly realised how much she knew. Thanks for sharing this with us

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  16. It is so hard to learn when it’s the right time to help, rather than listen, or walk away. Especially when you’re so sure someone is being an idiot.

    That’s why I only give driving advice to others — complete with profanity — when the windows are rolled up.

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  19. Fun post, Kate.

    Sometimes holding our tongue is the “path of least resistance.” We don’t have to step in and step on toes just because those toes are dancing to a different beat.

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