Something new at the gym

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Source: people-clipart.com

Source: people-clipart.com

I go to a ladies’ gym. It’s women only. There are lots of advantages for older women to go there.

One is that I don’t need to look nice. It’s lost on women older than me with poor vision. They think I’m lovely when I haven’t showered and my hair is well…like my hair.

No one (and I mean NO ONE) fights over equipment. If anything two women will spend ten minutes saying, “You can go before me.” “No, you go first.” The hope is that their half hour will be up before anyone needs to climb on the equipment.

You also get recipes and tips on where to get the best prices.

You get references for doctors, surgeries and supplements. All helpful stuff. Lots of “joint replacement” surgeries. Contact me for a referral.

There are no stud muffins. I like stud muffins as much as anyone but then I’d feel compelled to look nice. Or at least decent. (Refer to paragraph 3.)

The amount of time you spend on a piece of equipment is short. That matches my attention span.

No one wear ear phones. It would collide with their hearing aids. The gym plays upbeat music from the 60s and that works for everyone.

Today I noticed something new. It must have been there before. Maybe I just didn’t notice it (or more likely I don’t remember it).

There is THAT smell in the coat room. You know that smell. Winter clothes seem to pick up and retain smells more than summer clothes. Maybe because there’s more of it.

When you go into a bistro (that’s a fancy word for neighborhood restaurant-bar) you can come out smelling like French fries and hops. That’s not a bad combination but not something you want to wear all the time.

The coat room at the gym smells just like McDonald’s French fries. I was trying to see whose coat smelled so I didn’t put my coat next to it. Smells have been known to jump from coat to coat much like fleas do.

You have to be careful how you sniff coats. You’ll get a bad reputation (which is different from the bad reputation you had in high school). You wait until there is no one in the coat room. Then you make believe you are stretching.

It’s ok that no one stretches in the coat room. You are an athlete and athletes stretch anywhere. As you stretch your head (nose up) bumps into the coats.

Yep! Works every time. I figured it out and put my coat on the other rack. When I left my coat smelled like Polish kielbasa. You have to watch those older folks. They’ll eat anything smelly!

Just look at this! Sauerkraut and kielbasa! Doesn't get any better or smellier than this! Source: food.com

Just look at this! Sauerkraut and kielbasa! Doesn’t get any better or smellier than this! Source: food.com

58 thoughts on “Something new at the gym”

  1. Sounds like my kind of exercise. We have a fitness room here where I live. Very small but well equipped. I use it…now and then. I like to exercise until I sweat then I stop. I sweat easily so I stop often. I will never get past the ten-pound weights or walk any faster than a stroll on the treadmill.

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  5. This was funny Kate… tears rolling down the cheeks funny. I love kielbasa, cabbage(kraut not so much), and potatoes all cooked in one pot. We don’t have it so often now because my digestion and intestines rebel. I cooked Pork Szechuan stir-fry for Christmas and I swear I can still smell it in the house. Now that’s a meal that hangs around.

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    • I can still smell the garlic and onions from last night’s fried rice! A long time ago when I was house hunting I walked into a house that was owned by Asians (Chinese I think). There was such an odd cooking odor lingering that it was distracting. I have to remember that when we sell.

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  7. I could lecture on smells. I’ve often toyed with the idea of carrying a can of Glade in my purse. I hate the gym by the way. The music, the closed-captioned TV as you’re going nowhere on the treadmill. The women in spandex holding themselves in for dear life. Your gym sounds more relaxed even if you have to hold your nose. Sniffing coats. Funny piece. 🙂

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  8. This is just hilarious! There are always so many stories, if not jokes, about “old people smells,” and I never thought about it being food smells! On the other hand, if you can get past the kielbasa, your gym sounds like a pretty good resource center, with or without any actual exercise!

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  10. This is so funny, I almost couldn’t read beyond it:
    “No one (and I mean NO ONE) fights over equipment. If anything two women will spend ten minutes saying, “You can go before me.” “No, you go first.” The hope is that their half hour will be up before anyone needs to climb on the equipment.” Hahaha, I might be at that gym!!
    The photo is actually appetizing to me as I love sauerkraut. It must be that German heritage.

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  12. I wonder if someone went out to lunch, pocketed their leftovers in a baggie, then forgot about them. I like both french fires and kielbasa but on a plate, not on my clothes. It’s funny – and scary – how we lose the ability to really smell ourselves.

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  13. This would be the gym for me if I went to a gym. I am a lone runner (well a very slow runner these days) but I don’t care how I look either. Sweats & a ball cap in the winter; shorts,sleeveless top & ball cap in the summer. Nothing really matches. I see the younger ones with a different color coordinated outfit every time. But I do have ear buds so I can listen to classical music or news on NPR. Moving is the important thing for us older ladies!

    Another funny story, Kate! Thanks for the smiles.

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    • You run? I am so impressed. I didn’t even run when I was young. I tried the jogging thing but it didn’t work for me. Racquetball was my exercise for many years. You are right about moving. Doesn’t matter how just keep on moving!

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  14. I don’t think my smeller works as well as it used to, so maybe it would be invisible to me. I’d be okay with that. Especially if it had that musty icky smell. But I love the line “there is everything there but a strong dedication to working out”. Gotta love a place that is half social, with lots of odds and ends thrown in to keep it (almost) interesting, and especially that you get to be at the gym without having to actually sweat. Is it just me, or am I the only one that was actually hungry for kielbasa and sauerkraut after reading this? LOL

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    • I love kielbasa and had sauerkraut for lunch! The attraction to the gym is that the membership fee is included in my health plan and that it’s a circuit. That means that everyone moves onto a new exercise or piece of equipment after 30 seconds. The good part is that no one can hog a machine. The ladies are very nice and I’ve made a few friends there. If they would rather chat than exercise it’s ok with me. I like to get a good workout and chat before and after. I think you would enjoy it. It’s very eclectic.

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      • The way you describe it, you give us the idea that it could actually be FUN, and generally speaking, people don’t associate exercise routines with fun. I say good for you that you keep showing up, and that you are putting forth the effort to take advantage of this opportunity to engage in fitness, as well as in the social meanderings and musings that come with the package. Good job, Kate! Love your gym stories. Always interesting. 🙂

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  15. This sounds a lot like a ladies’ gym where I used to go. A women-only gym always seems so relaxed and comfortable. The locker room did have some mysterious odors, though. Guess I should have tried the sniff test, too.

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    • There is a dollar store across the street that has groceries and a lot of the ladies slip in there for their milk and bread. The gym has a book library where you can borrow and donate. Periodically they run a flea market. Members bring things in to sell but the proceeds go to charity. There is everything there but a strong dedication to working out. I am dedicated to exercising but most just flap their jaws. Not judging though. When I’m 80 I’ll be the same way.

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  20. Oh, good call. French fry smells produce two reactions, neither good. Reaction #1 would make me hungry (before french fry) and then reaction #2 would create greasy sense of guilt (post French fry). It’s almost enough to make you want to Febreeze the coat closet!

    I work out at the YMCA. Because it has a pool, volleyball, and yoga. Also the non-sweating, fashionista trophy wives are minimal.

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