The beloved husband decided to buy new pants. He lost weight a year or two back and never replaced this dress pants (which he rarely wears since retirement).
Unfortunately this is after he wore clown pants to his class reunion.
Women plan what they will wear ahead of time for formal events going so far as to try things on to make sure they didn’t shrink while hanging in the closet. (Yes that does happen. It’s a known phenomenon!)
Most men think about what they will wear two to five minutes before putting it on. They hope they won’t need buttons replaced, a shoe shine or anything else. That philosophy never works for me.
The beloved husband is inflicted with white man’s butt. That means there isn’t any. Pleated fronts look like jodhpurs – big and fluffy mounds of fabric hanging on his hips. Only he’s not going to ride a horse.
Off to the store! He got a coupon in the mail and there was a sale going on. (Don’t you love it when they really USE a coupon?)
I didn’t supervise pre-shopping activities. I should have.
When trying on dress pants it’s best to wear shoes which are similar to what you will wear with the pants and slip-ons work best for speed. He wore clunky lace up sneakers. The kind where the pants puddle on the top.
Over the years I have learned to dress for quick shopping – elastic waist or easy on-off, slip-on shoes and tops that come off fast. (This can also be useful for dating.) I can try on 20 outfits in 20 minutes.
That is not how it worked. We had to determine (new?) size and style. He tried on at least 10 pair of pants. I waited outside the dressing room (somewhat patiently after I rearranged the area to allow for a chair) to give approval or point out the obvious.
There was another guy in the dressing room. I provided narrative on his selections too. Free of charge! I am always amazed when men come out of a dressing room looking for affirmation from the nearest woman. He was fortunate I was there as the shirt he tried on made him look like a fireplug.
We bought several pair of pants so that he can try them with the appropriate shoes and blazer (when it comes home from the cleaners). We went with flat front and found a brand that has a stretchy (but sleek) waistband. That allowed him to go down a size to fit his non-existent hips and butt.
All is well in the kingdom. We are prepared for the next class reunion five years hence or any dressy occasion (which will more likely be a funeral).
Of course I would need a new outfit but I know how to shop!
Author’s note: Thanks to the beloved husband for being a good sport!
Still laughing about those sneakers!
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The man loves his sneakers!
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Can so identify. Please, try on clothes a week ahead of time. Last minute shopping will send me to an early grave.
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I stopped worrying. As I said he wore clown pants. Heck, they were older folks so they didn’t notice.
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Yes indeed my hubs will prepare the minute we have to go out……he loves buying a bargain at an op shop, sometimes he finds designer brands but this does not guarantee for style……As we age I have let him get away with more bad fashion statements, Im letting him be himself.
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Yes, you do get to the point where you don’t really care….
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This sounds so familiar.
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No butt?
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My wife says, if it weren’t for wallets, I’d have no butt at all. :O)
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Two nice fat wallets evenly spaced would work!
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I’ve been getting by with cell phone in one, and wallet in the other.
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You need a Kardashian cell phone and wallet. You know the kind that has a nice big curve on one side? (This may be a great marketing opportunity!)
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I’m gonna get my designers on that right away. Men with my problem (meaning most of us) will rejoice. And I’ll be rich!
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We’ll be rich!
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Oh that’s right. I didn’t mean to come across as if I was gonna be selfish or anything. I”ll be in touch Kate. ;o)
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my favorite part was the “this can also be useful for dating” … you always manage to make me laugh one way or another … thankfully, one of the benefits of living alone is not having to provide colorful commentary while the spouse tries on clothes, because we all know we’d really rather be just about anywhere else (but we also know children require supervision). 🙂
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As much as I like shopping, shopping with my husband isn’t as much fun. First of all, I don’t end up with anything. Second, it really takes a long time. I can buy him shirts and tees but not pants or shoes. His body is not standard size.
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Happy you had such a successful shopping trip! Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks for stopping by.
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It doesn’t matter how big the tummy gets on white men, the rear stays the same flat self. How does that happen?
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I don’t know but they need a grouping of sizes that’s especially for flat bottomed white men. I suggested a Brazilian butt implant. He wasn’t excited about that.
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This is very funny. It makes me long to be able to get dressed by the seat of my pants like your husband. I plan even when I’m sleeping.
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I was shopping yesterday and today. Got a bag from LL Bean and some stuff from Macy’s. I do like a new top or two when the season changes. Doesn’t matter if I need it or not but it’s all casual clothes.
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Me too. Need a new summer bag…something durable but pretty. Shopping is a great sign of self-esteem. LOL
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Then I have lots of self esteem! I got a new statue for my pond. Classy of course of a frog meditating. Very cool!
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I am currently seeking new employment and you just provided me with a great idea. I will sit outside of a dressage room, with a “tip” jar. GENIUS!!
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It’s a great way to meet people too. This guy had a wife but she was wandering around in the woman’s section. I was a port in a storm. No fancy resume required.
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This was so funny to read, Kate! I have finally pretty much given up on even trying to help my husband in this area. No matter what I do in making suggestions he goes rogue when we have special events. I have to bite my tongue. I’ve tried to speak up a few times but he takes my “helpful suggestions” as criticism. You beloved husband seems to be more amenable to your help. And how nice that you could also give an opinion to a total stranger. All in all a good day! 🙂
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Somehow I should have gotten an extra Starbucks out of that. I have to work these things better.
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I think you should convince your husband to take those new dress pants out for a test drive . . . to YOUR favorite restaurant!
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In our area, everything except for the country club (to which we don’t belong) is casual. If he can wear khakis those are the preferred choice (next to jeans of course). I’m not sure why. The new pants are really nice and comfortable too.
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Casual comfort is key in my book too. 😎
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However, I am going with your idea of eating out with or with nice pants! As for Florida, do you ever get dressed up?
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“He was fortunate I was there as the shirt he tried on made him look like a fireplug.” Ha ha! Did you tell him that, Kate? I was thrilled to see the word “jodhpurs”…no one seems to be familiar with them. 🙂 I always thought it was a West Virginia word.
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That’s the line that jumped out at me too, Jill!
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That was my first inclination but what really came out of my mouth was, “I don’t think you will find that comfortable for extended periods.” That worked. He sort of knew it was too small. I’m surprised he wore it out of the dressing room. It was a fireplug look for sure.
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LOL! Hilarious. I especially love your observation of the man who looked like a fireplug! 🙂
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He asked! Never ask me if you want the truth!
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Oh, we are definitely married to the same guy.
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I’ve always said that!
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You have described my shopping excursions with my husband (who also has “white man’s butt”). “What should I wear?” are always the words out of my husband’s mouth just before we are scheduled to leave for an event.
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Usually my husband asks what I’m wearing then equates that to something in his closet. Occasionally when he hears what I’m wearing, he will ask if jeans will go with that or does he need khakis. On the whole we are a very casual couple!
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Man and their constant need for affirmation, why does it never end? Why must the marching band be booked for anything and EVERYTHING they do? Well done though on ticking the box on dress pants, that shopping experience is NEVER easy! 😉
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His waist needs one size and his butt needs another. I was thinking he should get a pair tailored. I wonder what other butt less guys do.
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I read this aloud and it got lots of laughter in our home (the clothes shrinkage in the closet especially). Yes, absolutely, you must wear the same approximate shoes you’ll wear with the dress pants when shopping for them. This was hilarious!
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Thanks! It was a successful shopping trip. My husband is not fond of shopping, at least not for clothes. If it was guitars or tools…..
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