Dancing….

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I could pull this off...maybe Source: Adam Taylor at abcnews

I could pull this off…maybe
Source: Adam Taylor for abcnews

I was the head bumble bee in my first grade play. I showed real talent. It was never developed…until now.

Not saying I’m the best but I can wiggle around with the best of them. So why not me?

I want to join “Dancing with the Stars.”

Beautiful costumes. Fun music. Fit body! Dance floor all to yourself!

I rarely know the competitors (stars? really? who are they?) so why not me?

That started me thinking (never a good thing). I should throw my name in the mix. (Do I need an agent for that?) I am as unknown as rest of the contestants.

It’s great exercise. It’s grueling. They talk about losing weight and getting fit. They also talk about injuries but let’s not focus on that just yet.

There is plenty of time later when you are at rehab whirlpool. (Is there a wine bar at the pool?)

Or in the nursing home. (You have to have stories to tell or they make you play cards!)

I need way more material for my costume! Source: Huffington Post

I need way more material for my costume!
Source: buddytv

I don’t care who my partner is.

I don’t care if I win.

I would shave my legs for this! (Anyone have a machete I can borrow?)

I want to swoosh around and sashay in fringe and bling (no spanx please!). Maybe a “dos y do” or two. My partner would “dip” me and pull me through his legs. (Hope I don’t barf…so embarrassing.)

I could do it as well as some I’ve seen — better than the stiff ones, not as good as the ice skaters or gymnasts.

My goal is simple — stick around for a few weeks. Just enough to make new friends and enjoy the California sunshine.

The competition for this round includes a 21-year-old model, an Olympic gymnast, a football player, Pattie LaBelle, Suzanne Somers and a few others. Patti, Suzanne and I would be the elders but we can get the crowd behind us. Root for the underdogs with cellulite. Ok, maybe Suzanne doesn’t have cellulite but the rest of us do. Big time!

I need your support for this. It’s too late for this season but you never know when you’ll see me crop up in spandex and glitter. (I hear spandex stock just went up!)

44 thoughts on “Dancing….”

  1. Contestants for Survivor submit audition tapes that highlight why they’d be good candidates. I suggest you start practicing and submit your own tapes–even if they aren’t asking for them, and then we’ll all start a write-in campaign. With your eagerness and prior star experience as a bumblebee, I think you can reach that goal, Kate. I’ll hold a good thought! 🙂

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    • Wish I had a picture of me as a bumblebee. I was so graceful (although in truth I have to admit, the flower was the star but I got to pinch her really hard for taking the role). It was before cell phone cameras!

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  2. Kate dance like no one is watching in front of your telly in your spandex. Go for it! I have two left feet and no rhythm…. so yeh I envy those people who make dancing look easy. One lesson in Salsa, just one, before my soon-to-be hubs fell on the slippery dance floor. That was our last lesson, we giggled all the way home thinking about how much we didn’t belong there.

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  3. I used to dance competitively. I loved it, for a time. But I also watched dance become addictive to a destructive degree. I saw marriages wrecked and mortgages lost. Always, one line from a country-western song reverberated in my head: “Show me how to separate/ The dancer from the dance…”

    And the costumes! Oh, how little you can eat to fit into those things. I had a weight for each outfit: catsuit (under 123 lbs), form-fitting waltz ballgown (up to 130)…etc.

    Don’t forget a crazy instructor or partner to make you feel utterly inept. (A real pro should be able to make you sob in under ten minutes.)

    In short, step away from the spray tan bottle. Cuddle up with the cats. Hand over the machete (I need to borrow it). Watch the stars and the dancers shimmy, glide, and slide. Cheer for the single body isolation that took a months to learn. Toast them with a bite of pizza, and then a bite of chocolate. Savor the taste of foods they cannot eat.

    Put your non-aching, non-swollen feet on the couch (instead of in an ice-bath for 5-10 minutes).

    Enjoy your freedom from the tyranny of the dance floor.

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  6. Great idea! We can all dream. It would be fun, wouldn’t it? Although 10 yrs. ago I would have been more likely able to handle it.

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  7. I have no rhythm and no balance, or so a dance instructor once proclaimed. He went on to say, “Forget it!” So I really resist dancing. Nevertheless, I dream of being an Olympic ice skater. Does that take rhythm and balance? Keep on dreaming Kate and letting us in on the fun. 🙂

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  8. I love to dance too! In fact, I met my husband when we were both taking lessons. We still try to get out on the floor as much as we can (which isn’t often enough these days). I’ll be watching Dancing with the Stars next season just to cheer you on! Maybe you could consider your leg hair part of your fringe look (like that woman in the white costume… only in different places).

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    • My husband and I go several times a year to a local dance. It’s fun and great exercise. I always enjoy watching the more professional couples. We have taken lessons a couple of times but my husband is directionally challenged when it comes to dancing.

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  10. I put a word in for you Kate with Tom Bergeron. I’d offer my services as your partner—as you’d be the celebrity—but I fear that after the first practice you would probably be in a body cast. My last job as dance instructor was teaching Steve Martin to dance in the movie “The Jerk.”—it was not a pretty sight. I left him with two left feet! Very funny post Kate.

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      • I kept hoping you were not as smart as I suspected you were. As usual Kate, another wise decision by you… that’s another one for Kate, boy am I falling behind. I guess my wife will have to continue to have her toes stepped on… and its all your fault! I hope you sleep well tonight. ;o)

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  13. I’m not far from their locale…I’d come cheer you on! But don’t forget…after you shave your legs, you might want to book a spray tan appointment.

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  17. I have ALWAYS wanted to dance like this. Disney’s Cinderella convinced me, when I was small, that when you donned the pretty dress you automatically knew how to waltz with the handsome prince. Darn! It didn’t happen! I married a man who learned how to march in h.s. marching band and stopped learning how to move his feet. I will be dancing on stage soon, but that is just as part of the ensemble for the musical Young Frankenstein. At my age, I’m glad I can still move.

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