March Madness? Really?

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March is not just for basketball anymore.

 

I love a newspaper — the kind that comes on real paper. It has all those terrible stories about wars, murders, and deaths but it also has a light side.

 

It has a collection of nonsense articles that make me smile, laugh or totally disgust me.

 

Yesterday’s paper had an article on a new twist to March Madness. March is a big month for vasectomies.

 

In an attempt to compete with women for the title of multi-tasker of the year, many men choose March for a trim. They can recuperate with a big screen TV full of basketball games reworking their bracket challenge. In fact some urologists give coupons for free pizza and chicken wings with every snip.

 

I am not an expert on this topic. The neutered men in my life (except for my cat Jake) had it done under other management. That suits me just fine. Men are not good patients. They have no patience and expect the full-service of a 5-start hotel with an in-room concierge.

 

Jake was much easier. He spent a few days under the bed licking his nether regions but hey, he does that a lot anyway. He didn’t need a big screen TV nor did he order pizza and beer. He was thinking about those chicken wings though. Whatta cat!

 

I can’t help wondering who does these studies. I would love to be on a board selecting inane topics for research. I could come up with a few. I could also volunteer to collect information but not about vasectomies.

 

Salt – I’d like to know what percentage of people use salt on the rims of the margarita glass. This is important stuff. It could affect health care costs and we all know what a hot topic that is. I would travel around the country drinking margaritas and watching others who do. (Yeah, it’s a dirty job but it must be done…)

 

Peeps – Are you familiar with peeps? They are marshmallow balls in different shapes for different holidays totally covered in sugar. I want to know if anyone really likes them or they just buy them for decoration. My teeth hurt just looking at them.

 

Shampoo – Is there really any difference in shampoos? Does the $30 stuff clean better than the $4 stuff? What makes something cost more? Is the water more expensive in some locations? Will either one of them make my hair long and beautiful? These are all questions that need to be answered.

 

Those are my research suggestions for today. As for other tidbits of information from the newspaper, here is one of my favorites.

 

“They” are no longer sure if there is a connection between saturated fats and heart disease. For all of you who haven’t had bacon in two decades (except for you vegans of course) my condolences.

 

Break out the lard!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

29 thoughts on “March Madness? Really?”

  2. Haven’t had bacon in twenty years but allow myself to smell it…salt is so bad for my ears that I’m supposed to abstain yet here I am picketing for chips at the Carlyle Bar…Life’s short…as far as Jake licking where his jewels used to be…gotta give him credit for acting as if…my favorite vas story is about Audrey Hepburn and William Holden, who had one, on the set of Sabrina after they fell madly in love. He of course was married but was all set to jump ship…but when Audrey found out Bill had a vasectomy that in those days, were not reversible, said…BYE BYE BABA…she wanted kids.

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  3. TVs go on sale before the Superbowl. Vasectomies are scheduled during March Madness. What’s next?
    I don’t usually have salt with my margaritas. I’m always tempted by peeps, but when I try one, I’m disappointed. Never have tried a $30 shampoo. My complaint with bacon is cleaning up the stove afterwards. I prefer eating it in a restaurant.
    A fun article.

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    • You have to bake bacon in the oven. It does splatter the oven a bit but I have a self-cleaning feature and I don’t even run it after a bacon bake. I bake a whole pound at a time then just microwave to heat up what we eat. As you can see, I am serious about bacon.

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  4. I do eat bacon – in moderation. 😉 I confess, Kate, I love peeps. Yes I know it’s 110 percent sugar, but they are so good. As for the margaritas, I always ask for less salt. Now you’re well on your way to pursue grant money to finish your study. 😉

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  5. Another great post, Kate.

    I’ll do some Margarita tasting research with you when you head south next winter. BFF’s cousin LOVED peeps and stocked up every Easter. She is welcome to them.

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  6. Kate seriously about not being sure about the connection of saturated fats to heart disease! Dang, must have been all those peeps I ate when I was a kid! I can’t even look a peep in the eye. I do miss my bacon. My favorite chocolate right now comes out of a Jif jar and is called Chocolate Hazlenut Spread. I dip a spoon in the jar and sometimes dip it in the Jif PB jar. Thanks for the laugh today Kate!

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  7. The husband had a vasectomy under my “management” and he is the exception that proves the rule; he is a good patient and never whines or complains. Makes me look that much worse. My pick for a research project would be to settle the chocolate disputes once and for all: who makes the best? Belgium? France? Italy? Switzerland? That’s my version of your margarita fantasy!

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  8. Vasectomies are great in my opinion…especially for men. My hub and I gave a huge sigh of relief after he ‘had his done’. Four boys in a tad less than 5 yrs no matter what…convinced us that was the way to go.
    Salt? I try to curb my insatiable salt appetite due to a health issue…like? Leaving it off the rim of the margarita glass.
    Peeps? Other people can enjoy them; I’m with you Kate…make my teeth hurt looking at ’em.
    Shampoo? I like it to smell good, cleanse my hair and help it shine…sparkly clean…price? Hmmm!
    And bacon…oh boy! Who cares? It’s in a class all its own…love it. Food and Wine magazine devoted its March 2014 like this…The Bacon Issue…such class!
    Thanks for a fun read on this wonderful rainy day in North Texas.

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  9. I would love to go out for a margarita with you, no doubt you would have margarita coming out of my nose. 🙂 This is too funny, Kate!
    I actually used to work with a guy would loved Peep…go figure. I don’t think they’re digestible.

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  10. No more hiding bacon love!
    March is rather insane this year: weather, people’s focuses, and all the nutty “research” that we probably pay for (so why isn’t my check in the mail?).
    Peeps – Target had a package of various colored peeps stabbed on a sticks…now that’s just so wrong…not just the unusual colors…on a stick. Guess marketing has been busy

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