We need a man-boob ban

The guy I saw didn’t look this good.

This week I am cat-sitting. My whirlwind traveler friend Bettie is on yet another vacation. This is her third in the last few months and there is one more before the summer is over. While I harass her about this, I am glad that she is getting to see the world. She spent her younger years raising a family and had neither the time nor the money to travel. These are her fun years.

I traveled a lot when I was young so now I am more of a homebody. That works out to be a good cat-sitter. She lives not far from me in a small cluster of fairly new townhouses that are surrounded by fields, office buildings and apartment complexes.

When she gets back, I will have to ask her if there is any unusual housing nearby — like a half-way home or a shelter of some sort. Every time I go to check on the cat, I see some really unusual people.

This morning was no different. There was an older middle-aged woman with platinum pink hair and spandex-type shorts with a halter top. Pink hair is in vogue so it doesn’t really sound as bad as it looked. Her hair was very straw-like and her body was not conducive to spandex if you know what I mean. She had a hooker look to her but it was 8:30 in the morning on a road with no traffic. That was the first one.

Then there was an older man, late sixties or older, walking along the highway. This is not a residential area. He had shorts on without a top. If he was a 30-ish hottie, that would be a welcomed vision on my morning drive. However, he had droopy man-boobs. Man-boobs are bad enough by themselves but when the nipples point to the ground, they need to be covered or better still, surgically fixed. He topped off his outfit with black socks and dress shoes. He looked like the kind of guy who would keep them on during amorous moments assuming he still had those.

Both of these were older folks but on some trips over there later in the day, I have seen teenage boys with the oversized pants strapped around their thighs. They have a hard time walking but they feel cool and that’s what really counts. Of course, there is the female counterpart — skimpy top with a six-pack hanging out and short jean shorts that leave nothing to the imagination. Usually the girl is not thin. In fact, my observation is that the boys seem to be really thin (ergo, the dropping pants) and the girls tend to be ummm….chubby? Fluffy? Something like that!

None of these folks are threatening or dangerous looking. They just stick out in this area.

I am thinking of writing to my local representatives to create a man-boob ban. It really should be against the law to bare them to the world. No one except a spouse and emergency personnel should have to look at them. I do realize we all have some parts that are best covered but I keep mine covered with instructions that no one except the undertaker is allowed to see them.

The pink hair is ok and the droopy pants are not my problem even if the inevitable happens and they fall to the ground exposing…stuff. Probably no big thing!

I have my Starbucks and catnip for the kitty so I just watch the show.

Photo credits: Top one by Corbeau du Nord via Flickr and the second by Labatihem via Flickr

22 thoughts on “We need a man-boob ban

  1. OMG! I’m missing all this while I work! I’ve seen the kids, of course, but no pink haired ladies or man-boobs-Thank God!!! Thanks for watching Susie! She’s glad to have mommy home!

  2. You are hilarious. When you said, “They just stick out in this area,” I wondered what area exactly sticks out. :) and then when you commented on those dropped pants and said “No big thing,” I laughed out loud. You and your zingers.

  3. Well said! I’ve gotten to the point where I’m sick of seeing everyone’s boobs…women and men. I’m particularly turned off when I see professional golfers in golf shirts with their man boobies showing. Gosh, Phil Mickelson, I know you can afford a more flattering top!

  4. That place sounds exciting! I’m glad I haven’t seen it, I worry I might get nightmares.
    You know, maybe that man isn’t very comfortable. What with backaches and all. They should create bikini tops for men too!

  5. Every now and then it really strikes me that I’m way too hard on myself! I look around at what other people are immodestly wearing, or how they are literally crammed into their clothing and they are just fine with that. I, on the other hand, prefer to leave my home not making a spectacle of myself. And I’m completely with you and man-boobs…do they really think that’s okay? I’ll sign your petition…let’s make it nationwide.! Debra

  6. LOL! My daugter and I were driving down the street in a residential area one day when she was about 12. As we got closer to the intersection, I realized that traffic was awfully congested. I mean no cars were moving, then they’d move very slowly. I think it took us about 10 minutes to drive the quarter mile to get to the red light, which turned red about 6 times while we were in line. When we finally go closer to the corner we discovered what was holding up traffic. I had expected to find an accident or something like that but nope. It was a heavyset guy who looked to be in his 60’s out mowing his front yard, wearing nothing but a stars and stripes speedo and black shoes/socks. The sight of him literally stopped traffic. And I will go to my maker with that image burned into my retina.

  7. I live in the city and see lots of homeless/street people. They are pretty covered up. Sometimes in the summer they look like they have too much on. But I guess if you don’t have a home then you don’t have a closet so you have to wear everything you own.

    The people you are seeing do sound like they are from some sort of halfway house except for the younger folks; they sound like kids from everywhere–normal sorts. At least you aren’t bored on your drive to check on the cat.

    • I agree. We have a homeless guy and he always wears tons of clothes — even a jacket during this heat wave. I often wondered if they could keep anything at the shelters they occasionally use.

      • The homeless people don’t dare put anything down or it will get stolen – so they wear it all – or push it ahead in a grocery cart. Shelters generally don’t allow things to be left in their care.
        But no doubt you did see quite a circus parade! (The cat is probably scared to look out the window at all the odd ones)

  8. Your post is absolutely hilarious! This way, cat-sitting is a real adventure since you never know what to expect next. And I love the “no big thing” take on the dropping drawers. LOL :)

  9. I must agree with you on this; I think being properly covered in public places, like restaurants, streets, stores, etc. is definitely a part of a civilized society. However, I wouldn’t judge a person’s appearance if, say, I was peeking over their fence. It’s not my place. But, on a public street we really don’t want to see skin and underwear.

    Living near a beach, I’ve seen enough ‘banana hammocks’ to burn my retinas permanently. I’ve seen stretch marks that resemble tattoos, 24 inch long cleavages, butts, pubes, and everything in between. However… I was at the beach. That is fair game. Let ‘er droop/hang/protrude and anything you want. I know what to expect.

    But if I’m in a normally clothed area and I run head-on into a man without a shirt (even a 30 something buff guy) I DON’T WANT TO SEE IT! Put a shirt on; pull up your pants; cover your nether-regions. At home you can run around naked as a jay bird. Go find yourself a nudist beach. Knock yourself out! But please, not while I’m walking along the same sidewalk in my neighborhood. Otherwise, I may be forced to do the same… and nobody wants to see that happen.

    • … and by stretch marks of course I mean the ones that are typically hidden under a bikini. I have stretch marks that show if I wear any two piece swimming suit. No no no… those aren’t the ones I’m talking about. I’m not being critical of stretch marks, for heaven’s sake. It’s about the body parts that are normally tucked away in public; away from prying eyes. But it’s okay to bring them out on the beach. We expect to see a lot of skin. Even man boobs, women boobs, butt cracks, and pubes. Bring it on. But please, nowhere else.

      • You are kinder than I am. Even at the beach I prefer that people look presentable. You don’t have to look like a model to enjoy the beach but please cover your butt crack!

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