This post is dedicated to and inspired by my friend Sharlene. She has nursed me through the pond process and counseled whenever I thought the end was near. (I can get theatrical about my pond!)
I love wildlife. I have been trying to coax critters to my pond since it was completed three years ago. I bought eight fish and now I have 40 so the pond must have some romantic aspects to it.
Although it’s small, I tried hard to incorporate little nooks and crannies where things could cuddle, make-out and hide eggs – just like in high school (except for the egg part). You know — like under the bleachers and in the back hallway. I even planted a shrub that would cover a small part of the pond so you couldn’t see what was going on. Think of it as a drive-in movie without the movie. Fish don’t watch movies anyway.
In any case I was very successful with the fish. In fact, I have started lecturing them on birth control. My pond ideally holds 15 fish according to those charts they have in pond stores. I have forty. Everyone seems happy and no one is sick or nipping at each other so what’s the big deal.
That happened because I bought a slut-fish. When I selected the fantails, there was one that was more gold than the others (fantails are fancy goldfish with fluffy fins). She wiggled more. I didn’t get it at the time but she is a big time slut. The first spring she had every fish following her. Stupid me — I didn’t realize what was going on. I wanted to scoop her out and put her in a tank for a couple of hours a day so she could get some rest. Well, she didn’t want rest! She spawned and spawned and spawned……and that is how I got from eight to 40 fish.
I encouraged snails and frogs too. In fact, I have purchased tadpoles each year hoping that they will metamorph (btw spellcheck says this isn’t a verb. that’s just wrong!) into wonderful frogs happily eating insects around my pond. After 15 plus tadpoles, I have two frogs who are currently courting. I have no idea where the rest went. Unlike children who frequently come home to roost, most of my frogs took off for greener pastures (or ponds).
After my experience with Goldie the slut-fish, I wasn’t expecting any courting. I thought these pond critters just get down to business and do it. I have been watching their behavior for three weeks and there has been no copulation that I have seen (and believe me I am a voyeur so I have watched – with binoculars! I hope that doesn’t upset the neighbors…).
I was thinking of laying some issues of Playboy around the pond for inspiration along with a little wine and cheese. How about some rose petals artistically tossed in the pond?
Let’s get some mojo going here! Teenage strangers have sex faster than these two.
If there is a lesson here, I’m not getting it. Maybe there is a book, “Frog Sex for Dummies?”
Views and Mews by Coffee Kat 
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Great post! Maybe you need a less old fashioned frog? Not quite as slutty as Goldie, just a little more progressive. . . maybe you need a soundtrack of frogs or something to get them in the mood. Like say, the frog version of Marvin Gaye or Barry White
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OOOOHHHHH, I live that! Marvin Gaye music around my pond!
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your it http://jensinewall.wordpress.com/2012/04/23/apparently-im-it-10-2/
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Do you just expect them to “leap” into bed with each other? Can’t wait for the continuation of this story.
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Your pond sounds like a very inviting place. The froggies might be the same gender. Or, they’re just content to hang out together until one or both ‘croak.’
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I did try to check out the sex but that was hopeless. They aren’t built like people so I couldn’t tell. I now have three of them but they are still just sitting together instead of getting it on.
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Be careful what you wish for. 🙂
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Before long we’ll be seeing you on Animal Planet as the Dr. Ruth of pond cavorting!
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You are so lucky to have a pond – I’d really like one. They look so serene and soothing. Right now it would really help decorate the view which is crisscrossed with muddy dog trails. (Although the German might be tempted to slosh around in it or chase the frogs.) I have enviously watched my neighbor construct a pond with a waterfall. Fish selected….and kept disappearing…not the local cat, but a large raccoon is coming by every night selecting dinner. He seemed very miffed to be chased away. He frightens their small old dog…not sure what to do about the midnight buffet raiding.
Got a real giggle out of this post. Keep us updated (and soothing pictures)
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We don’t have a raccoon problem here but the blue herons. You can net the pond so things can’t get in and out but that’s the purpose. The helpful thing here is to run filament string across it so animals can’t walk in but the smaller birds and frogs have good access.
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Kate, this is brilliantly funny. You must write a guidebook to pond development. I would buy it and I don’t even have a pond.
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Hmmmm. You would read it because it would be rated X!
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Yes, because it would be rated a 10. (Why are you using Roman numerals?)
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You pond voyeur. Do they know you’re watching? You may be want a pond, Kate.
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My goodness! You have a very interesting pond! I have a pond, too, but unfortunately most of my fish get eaten before they have a chance to fully explore their sexuality! I’ll be watching them more closely now…I feel they may be missing out on their potential! Debra
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Who eats your fish? We occasionally be blue herons here but my pond is small and I don’t have the expensive koi they like.
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Could be gay…not that there’s anything wrong with that…
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Yes I worry about that (not that there is anything wrong with that!) or maybe all the same sex!
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if only … questiion: what does a girl think when a guy meets up with you four fridays in a row…even invites himself over tonight but never makes a move … am I a friend?
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I suspect you are definitely a friend but it sounds like you are looking for more.
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I know … and what a mess … not happy need to move on, even if I am not really sure I want to… thanks but sometimes you need someone to tell you the truth 🙂
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Well, I didn’t say it couldn’t grow. Perhaps you can discuss where the relationship is going with him? Then you will know for sure.
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I know but not sure I want to give him that chance …we will see and I’ll keep you posted
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Maybe he just needs a little nudge in the right direction.
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🙂 we’ll see may chose not to nudge but to move on
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So now I know, don’t buy the fish wiggling her tail fins…I certainly don’t want to bring a slutty fish home!!!
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That depends on whether you want more fish. My friends kept talking about a fish fry but I couldn’t eat my pets.
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Pond?..sounds more like a Love Shack to me. I am cracking up about Goldie!
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Fortunately for us and all the pond dwellers, we didn’t have a repeat last year. There were only a few new small fry. I think some get eaten along the way but not many.
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